Well I really could have handled the past couple of days better. One of the things that helps me to feel better is to think about how one of these days, when I acquire (reacquire?) the skills that will enable me to plan my time wisely, multitask, and not let my own personal demons interfere with my professional (ok grad student) obligations, I will be surprising and/or making some professors pretty damn proud.

Sort of like how the professor who gave me a D- in gen chem the first semester of my undergrad signed the paper for me to work towards the chem minor several years later. I had finally gotten the hang of chemistry, and in fact, did well in orgo.

I also plan to arrange things so I can do my best work possible. This means I DO plan to have my advisory late this summer even if it's during the first week of classes, if I can get it ironed out administratively. It's better than coupling the advisory with finals this spring (it's unusual to have it that late and it seems frowned upon though one prof told me that plenty of students do it then). The advisory is basically a project proposal and has a verbal and a written component (like prelims).

So immediate goals, plan new realistic timeline NOW for how I am going to manage my work. Grow a much thicker skin. I'm sure I will go into at some point my thoughts about my involuntary/knee-jerk stress response (aka occasional sudden burst of tears at very inopportune time) but I have dwelled upon it through other media already. I would like to keep this as positive as I can for at least a little while and also spend some more time observing other people's responses to stress before making a major post here on something that personal.