Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Carol Greider, 2009 Nobel Laureate, apparently has dyslexia.
There is hope for us bad test takers yet!
There is hope for us bad test takers yet!
Well I really could have handled the past couple of days better. One of the things that helps me to feel better is to think about how one of these days, when I acquire (reacquire?) the skills that will enable me to plan my time wisely, multitask, and not let my own personal demons interfere with my professional (ok grad student) obligations, I will be surprising and/or making some professors pretty damn proud.
Sort of like how the professor who gave me a D- in gen chem the first semester of my undergrad signed the paper for me to work towards the chem minor several years later. I had finally gotten the hang of chemistry, and in fact, did well in orgo.
I also plan to arrange things so I can do my best work possible. This means I DO plan to have my advisory late this summer even if it's during the first week of classes, if I can get it ironed out administratively. It's better than coupling the advisory with finals this spring (it's unusual to have it that late and it seems frowned upon though one prof told me that plenty of students do it then). The advisory is basically a project proposal and has a verbal and a written component (like prelims).
So immediate goals, plan new realistic timeline NOW for how I am going to manage my work. Grow a much thicker skin. I'm sure I will go into at some point my thoughts about my involuntary/knee-jerk stress response (aka occasional sudden burst of tears at very inopportune time) but I have dwelled upon it through other media already. I would like to keep this as positive as I can for at least a little while and also spend some more time observing other people's responses to stress before making a major post here on something that personal.
Sort of like how the professor who gave me a D- in gen chem the first semester of my undergrad signed the paper for me to work towards the chem minor several years later. I had finally gotten the hang of chemistry, and in fact, did well in orgo.
I also plan to arrange things so I can do my best work possible. This means I DO plan to have my advisory late this summer even if it's during the first week of classes, if I can get it ironed out administratively. It's better than coupling the advisory with finals this spring (it's unusual to have it that late and it seems frowned upon though one prof told me that plenty of students do it then). The advisory is basically a project proposal and has a verbal and a written component (like prelims).
So immediate goals, plan new realistic timeline NOW for how I am going to manage my work. Grow a much thicker skin. I'm sure I will go into at some point my thoughts about my involuntary/knee-jerk stress response (aka occasional sudden burst of tears at very inopportune time) but I have dwelled upon it through other media already. I would like to keep this as positive as I can for at least a little while and also spend some more time observing other people's responses to stress before making a major post here on something that personal.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Bahahaha. Yeah. It had reached a point.
I liked to say facebook was the only social networking tool I overused. To some degree it's true. I've also had an lj for years (that's very, very private) and used to crawl myspace. But facebook was the first thing I'd check. I'd check it about 20 times a day. My reasoning was that it's my first year here, I'm lonely and relatively isolated, facebook lets me stay in touch with my old friends.
Unfortunately, that can be a curse too. I argue that it contributed to my isolation and homesickness. But most of all, it just took up way too much of my time. I asked my dear SO to change my password so I can't check it at school. I didn't want to delete the account, but I didn't want it to be convenient either. This is a temporary measure, until may when the semester is over.
It's amazing how creative you can get with procrastination when you don't have facebook. My poison? Comic strips. Webcomics PhD, Sinfest, and xkcd and of course newspaper comics from gocomics.com and comics.com. In most ways comics are not a new and novel way for me to waste time. In fact, I've been reading Garfield and Calvin and Hobbes since I was little and they essentially taught me how to read. But it's amazing how they never fail to rob me of a nights sleep when reading archives.
I'm also a news junkie, but since I don't really have TV service (too cheap for a converter or cable) I get my news online.
Although I waste significantly less time online because I'm no longer on facebook, it doesn't solve my procrastination issues entirely. Oh darn.
I liked to say facebook was the only social networking tool I overused. To some degree it's true. I've also had an lj for years (that's very, very private) and used to crawl myspace. But facebook was the first thing I'd check. I'd check it about 20 times a day. My reasoning was that it's my first year here, I'm lonely and relatively isolated, facebook lets me stay in touch with my old friends.
Unfortunately, that can be a curse too. I argue that it contributed to my isolation and homesickness. But most of all, it just took up way too much of my time. I asked my dear SO to change my password so I can't check it at school. I didn't want to delete the account, but I didn't want it to be convenient either. This is a temporary measure, until may when the semester is over.
It's amazing how creative you can get with procrastination when you don't have facebook. My poison? Comic strips. Webcomics PhD, Sinfest, and xkcd and of course newspaper comics from gocomics.com and comics.com. In most ways comics are not a new and novel way for me to waste time. In fact, I've been reading Garfield and Calvin and Hobbes since I was little and they essentially taught me how to read. But it's amazing how they never fail to rob me of a nights sleep when reading archives.
I'm also a news junkie, but since I don't really have TV service (too cheap for a converter or cable) I get my news online.
Although I waste significantly less time online because I'm no longer on facebook, it doesn't solve my procrastination issues entirely. Oh darn.
It has taken long enough. It looks like I finally learned how to clone.
Getting into the scheme of things in the lab takes a while. I am learning most of my work from scratch. Although in my previous lab I've done some molecular work (for DNA fingerprinting of wild fungi isolates) that work does not extend beyond DNA extraction or prep, running a PCR, and then running a gel.
I love all the new things I'm learning. You can add restriction sites to primers?? You can make PCR product essentially be primers in an overlap PCR??? This is new and exciting to me. Software that can help me make plasmid maps? I can spend all night playing with it!
Know why I am finally getting some of this to work? Because I've been sleeping. Yes dears you will learn in your first semester how badly you perform if you lack sleep. Worse of all, is the anxiety that keeps you from going to bed.
Over winter break I made a major resolution, which is to become a healthier graduate student. This means getting sleep each and every night. With only 2 exceptions I held that promise to myself true. One of the times I did not, I was subjected to miserable humiliation giving a presentation when I couldn't follow anything anybody was asking me, or what the professor was saying when explained things I clearly didn't understand. Granted, I was also extremely sick with a bad cold that week and had gotten over a massive stomach flu. It was not pretty. ANYWAYS. Rule of thumb: get sleep. You won't be sorry.
But it's not so much the failures I suffer through while sleep deprived that teaches me to get sleep: it's the little, tiny success I have when I do complete a project, fully alert and focused. Fewer mistakes are made. It's far easier to communicate with people.
My sleep schedule isn't perfect. It needs serious improvement. Lately it's been a 2AM to 10AM thing and I roll into the lab around noon. As a result, I rarely get out of the lab before 10PM and the cycle continues. My next "personal" goal thingy is to fix that. I prefer to do the 10-6 or 10-8 lab schedule. But this is better than last semester, where my classes started no later than 8:30AM.
My next academic goal is one that's been eluding me all year: score at least an average score on a test. It seems no matter how much I study or how well I know the material, I just don't get it all down. I have a test next week. Today was my last "full day" in the lab I allotted for the spring break, my Dad's coming tomorrow, so I get to spend time with him, but that doesn't leave me much time to study unfortunately. It's a bit stressful. I'll figure it out, I guess.
Getting into the scheme of things in the lab takes a while. I am learning most of my work from scratch. Although in my previous lab I've done some molecular work (for DNA fingerprinting of wild fungi isolates) that work does not extend beyond DNA extraction or prep, running a PCR, and then running a gel.
I love all the new things I'm learning. You can add restriction sites to primers?? You can make PCR product essentially be primers in an overlap PCR??? This is new and exciting to me. Software that can help me make plasmid maps? I can spend all night playing with it!
Know why I am finally getting some of this to work? Because I've been sleeping. Yes dears you will learn in your first semester how badly you perform if you lack sleep. Worse of all, is the anxiety that keeps you from going to bed.
Over winter break I made a major resolution, which is to become a healthier graduate student. This means getting sleep each and every night. With only 2 exceptions I held that promise to myself true. One of the times I did not, I was subjected to miserable humiliation giving a presentation when I couldn't follow anything anybody was asking me, or what the professor was saying when explained things I clearly didn't understand. Granted, I was also extremely sick with a bad cold that week and had gotten over a massive stomach flu. It was not pretty. ANYWAYS. Rule of thumb: get sleep. You won't be sorry.
But it's not so much the failures I suffer through while sleep deprived that teaches me to get sleep: it's the little, tiny success I have when I do complete a project, fully alert and focused. Fewer mistakes are made. It's far easier to communicate with people.
My sleep schedule isn't perfect. It needs serious improvement. Lately it's been a 2AM to 10AM thing and I roll into the lab around noon. As a result, I rarely get out of the lab before 10PM and the cycle continues. My next "personal" goal thingy is to fix that. I prefer to do the 10-6 or 10-8 lab schedule. But this is better than last semester, where my classes started no later than 8:30AM.
My next academic goal is one that's been eluding me all year: score at least an average score on a test. It seems no matter how much I study or how well I know the material, I just don't get it all down. I have a test next week. Today was my last "full day" in the lab I allotted for the spring break, my Dad's coming tomorrow, so I get to spend time with him, but that doesn't leave me much time to study unfortunately. It's a bit stressful. I'll figure it out, I guess.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
In training
I find it funny (not really) that a google search for survival tips on getting through your first year of graduate school in a science program yields very little result on how to actually "survive" grad school, while there is an almost scary abundance of information out there on the specifics of how to get in a PhD program.
This blog isn't meant to be a survival guide comprised with bullet points of magic tips that will make your life better. It is meant to reflect my journey up the ladder through the dizzying heights of academia (and some of the rungs are a little wiggly). In the process I hope that those who will read this will get something out of this. The fact is, not everyone experiences graduate school the same way. Some people who struggle in the beginning do really well in the end. Others who sail in the beginning struggle to focus on their project. Some people struggle from the day they step through the door of the science building for their orientation to the day they leave after handing their thesis. A good portion may not even make it to their thesis, or their prelims. Yet others just make it with no trouble at all, from the beginning to the end. Understanding this, I often come across people who struggle through graduate school in many different ways. I am a major struggler. This is my first year. In my first semester, I tried finding help via google, and as mentioned above, found very, very little info about other people's experiences in grad school. As a result (among other things) I felt very, very alone.
This is my 2nd semester. I have taken steps towards becoming a healthier, better graduate student, but it's not an overnight transformation. I decided that I am far enough removed my first semester trauma to start this blog reflecting my experiences, and the things I've done right and wrong. As scientists we are always in training. It is important to be reflective, although it seems that being personal about it is discouraged.
Anonymity isn't my overall goal but I make an effort to be cautious about the information I do give (academia is a small small world). I am currently a first year PhD student in a Large Midwestern University studying Microbiology who came from a Cheap Commuter University in Boston. In my 3rd 5 week rotation I found my home lab. I love the work I am doing. All I ever want to do is research. But the first semester, as I mentioned, was extremely difficult between rotations and courses.
I wonder if it's a common feeling among 1st year graduate students, feeling like a "misfit" of sorts. I struggled in my classes and scored pretty below average on exams. I also found that it is unusual among people here to have ADD like I do. In my undergrad there were plenty of people with learning disabilities who went on to great things (one is even applying to vet schools!) but here I found so much more pressure to hide it. Well it's hard to hide, since I'm often forgetful and sometimes fail to link the major concepts either implied or outright extrapolated by various professors. I also feel as though I progress slower than I should despite my 10 hour days in the lab. I don't really blame my undergrad preparation, since my credentials are laced with prestigious fellowships and decent research and better than average grades. I got plucked from an "average" university and got placed in a class consisting mostly of top ten students. I probably also felt a bit burned out since I came here straight after undergrad and probably would have benefited from the break of a year off (that was out of the question for other personal reasons).
Although I have a long ways to go, as I mentioned, I am in a much better situation now. I will expand on this in future posts. But what do I want you, the reader, to get out of my posts, is that you're not alone. Even if you are the low student in your class, you are definitely not alone. Professors will tell you that, but if it takes a fellow student to help you to believe this, here. I'm in your boat.
Those who struggled are welcome to comment. Those who didn't struggle are also welcome to comment on your observations. Please be kind. Please be real.
This blog isn't meant to be a survival guide comprised with bullet points of magic tips that will make your life better. It is meant to reflect my journey up the ladder through the dizzying heights of academia (and some of the rungs are a little wiggly). In the process I hope that those who will read this will get something out of this. The fact is, not everyone experiences graduate school the same way. Some people who struggle in the beginning do really well in the end. Others who sail in the beginning struggle to focus on their project. Some people struggle from the day they step through the door of the science building for their orientation to the day they leave after handing their thesis. A good portion may not even make it to their thesis, or their prelims. Yet others just make it with no trouble at all, from the beginning to the end. Understanding this, I often come across people who struggle through graduate school in many different ways. I am a major struggler. This is my first year. In my first semester, I tried finding help via google, and as mentioned above, found very, very little info about other people's experiences in grad school. As a result (among other things) I felt very, very alone.
This is my 2nd semester. I have taken steps towards becoming a healthier, better graduate student, but it's not an overnight transformation. I decided that I am far enough removed my first semester trauma to start this blog reflecting my experiences, and the things I've done right and wrong. As scientists we are always in training. It is important to be reflective, although it seems that being personal about it is discouraged.
Anonymity isn't my overall goal but I make an effort to be cautious about the information I do give (academia is a small small world). I am currently a first year PhD student in a Large Midwestern University studying Microbiology who came from a Cheap Commuter University in Boston. In my 3rd 5 week rotation I found my home lab. I love the work I am doing. All I ever want to do is research. But the first semester, as I mentioned, was extremely difficult between rotations and courses.
I wonder if it's a common feeling among 1st year graduate students, feeling like a "misfit" of sorts. I struggled in my classes and scored pretty below average on exams. I also found that it is unusual among people here to have ADD like I do. In my undergrad there were plenty of people with learning disabilities who went on to great things (one is even applying to vet schools!) but here I found so much more pressure to hide it. Well it's hard to hide, since I'm often forgetful and sometimes fail to link the major concepts either implied or outright extrapolated by various professors. I also feel as though I progress slower than I should despite my 10 hour days in the lab. I don't really blame my undergrad preparation, since my credentials are laced with prestigious fellowships and decent research and better than average grades. I got plucked from an "average" university and got placed in a class consisting mostly of top ten students. I probably also felt a bit burned out since I came here straight after undergrad and probably would have benefited from the break of a year off (that was out of the question for other personal reasons).
Although I have a long ways to go, as I mentioned, I am in a much better situation now. I will expand on this in future posts. But what do I want you, the reader, to get out of my posts, is that you're not alone. Even if you are the low student in your class, you are definitely not alone. Professors will tell you that, but if it takes a fellow student to help you to believe this, here. I'm in your boat.
Those who struggled are welcome to comment. Those who didn't struggle are also welcome to comment on your observations. Please be kind. Please be real.
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